Depression

Been away almost 8 months.
Main reason: i'm depressed.

Life is full of surprises and challenges. I'm never thought i will face the challenges.
The year 2010 was really bad..i almost wanted to kill my self ..(i was lucky i still have faith to God).

The main reason i'm depressed: my mom has passed away.
Never..never thought she died this soon. I'm not prepared to lost her.
She was sick and i thought she will stay with us longer.
She passed away 2 weeks in the month of Ramadan, 2010.
I was really depressed after that and for the first time i just feel lonely.
The first of Syawal 2010 was just lonely and i'm stuck in Sandakan doing oncall.
That's when the lonelines strike and i was in a low mood.
I really missed her. Only God know.

Now, almost 6 months i'm still having flashback of her especially things i haven't done which i should have done when she is around.

errmm..it's just too late.

Tiada Rezeki

4 months ago, i applied to go to mecca as medical officer ..the MO there will have to take care the Malaysian pilgrims during the hajj period..

i got the result today..

"Sorry doctor..you was not selected...u may try again next year..."


errmm..tak de rezeki this year..

Those Good Old Dreams

Those Good Old Dreams
As a child I was known for make-believing

All alone I created fantasies

As I grew people called it self-deceiving

But my heart helped me hold the memories



As I walk through the world I find around me

Something new, yet familiar's in the air

I feel it ev'rywhere

Like a child's eyes

On a Christmas night

I'm lookin' at you now

Finding answers to my prayers



(*) It's a new day for those good old dreams

One by one it seems they're comin' true

Here's the morning that my heart had seen

Here's the morning that just had to come through

Same old stage but what a change of scene

No more dark horizons, only blue

It's a new day for those good old dreams

All my life I dreamed of lovin' you



You're a spark of a long forgotten fire

You're a touch of a slowly growing wind

You're a taste of the ever-changing seasons

Telling me there are some things that don't end

We have left all the darkness far behind us

All those hopes that we held along the way

Have made it to this day

Like an old love song

Gone for much too long

You hear it once again

And it carries you away



Repeat (*)

Busy

Sorry for not updating my blog..

I was busy ..and life is hectic as usual...

Those Good Old Days

I'm really happy today..accidentally reconnect to my old friend.
Thats really bring back old memories..happy times and bad times...

and the most happiest moments is knowing them healthy and success in their own field..

What a mess

It was Thursday afternoon where i accidentally met an old friend, Doctor A.
I've known Doctor A for almost 4 years..currently she is working at the health clinic nearby..
She told me an important news..

Johari!!! Congratulations..
I heard you are going to be transferred to Kinabatangan Health Clinic,,as a health officer there..
They already received the letter from the state health department...

It was shocking news..and this is my reply..

What!!!!!
This can't be happen...
I don't like to work there..Kinabatangan is very far...and working as a health officer means i don't see patients that often...i will dealing with health policies, health promotion and doing administrations work..
i don't like that..i'm not a person into admin..
Oh no..this is a disaster!!

She replied back...i think she just want to give a comfort..

You have to go la..look at the bright side ..they will promote you to UD48..meaning a higher pay..
why don't you go there for a year and later transfer back to hospital..

I ended our conversation and i left her with a broken heart.
I really don't expect this.

that night i received a call from my brother asking how's my life.
He is happy as he just got married.
I told him that i will be transferred to Kinabatangan Health Clinic soon.

Then..this is his reply..

What??? How's your surgery skills then...?? i thought you are applying for master in surgery right?? How about your research?? and you don't know driving...i don't think Kinabatangan has many taxis..It's jungle you know..

That doesn't help at all..It make me depressed and worried..
The news spoiled my week end..

I had no appetite..I was really obsessed with the news...and keep thinking and imagining my life in Kinabatangan..

The following Monday i went to see Puan Sarinah,, a lady in the office..
She is the doctors PA and it's her responsibilities to take care the doctors in the hospital including working transfer..

I asked her..

Kak sarinah...do you received any letter saying that i have to transfer to Kinabatangan??

with a surprised look..she said..

Oh!!! dr Johari..congratulations..but i didn't receive the letter..any doctors transfer to other places, the state health department will inform me first...
ermm..this is funny..
Why don't you speak to Puan Hasnah, at the state health department, KK..

I picked up the phone and it was connected to Puan Hasnah..this is our conversation..

Me: hello,,can i speak to Puan Hasnah..
Puan Hasnah: yes, speaking..
Me: Puan Hasnah.. my name is Dr Johari..i was been told that i have to go to Kinabatangan Health Office...
Puan Hasnah: Yes..that is correct...
Me: saya tak nak la pergi sana...saya mau kerja di hospital..
Puan Hasnah: can't la doctor...this is arahan from the ministry..you have to go..if you go there you will be promoted to UD48..
Me: i don't want to go there...can i??
Puan Hasnah: you must go..if you don't go..you will be consider melanggar arahan and the ministry can charge you..you will call into disciplinary board..and thats will end your carrier..
Me: (now scared)...ermm ok..can i make an appeal..?
Puan Hasnah: Can..but that will take months...

I was about to end the conversations..then i asked her this final question:

Me: Ok...but why i didn't get any letter..???
Puan Hasnah: i was about to send the letter then you call me.. i will send it today.....you are DR JOHARI BIN AWANG BESAR right???

Me:HAH???

(moral of story: don't listen to rumour)

Why...Why..Why..?????

why...why..why???

why they didn't tell me this earlier...??

if i know this earlier..i will buy an air ticket and fly back to KL...and meet my "bapak angkat"...