Tiada Rezeki

4 months ago, i applied to go to mecca as medical officer ..the MO there will have to take care the Malaysian pilgrims during the hajj period..

i got the result today..

"Sorry doctor..you was not selected...u may try again next year..."


errmm..tak de rezeki this year..

Those Good Old Dreams

Those Good Old Dreams
As a child I was known for make-believing

All alone I created fantasies

As I grew people called it self-deceiving

But my heart helped me hold the memories



As I walk through the world I find around me

Something new, yet familiar's in the air

I feel it ev'rywhere

Like a child's eyes

On a Christmas night

I'm lookin' at you now

Finding answers to my prayers



(*) It's a new day for those good old dreams

One by one it seems they're comin' true

Here's the morning that my heart had seen

Here's the morning that just had to come through

Same old stage but what a change of scene

No more dark horizons, only blue

It's a new day for those good old dreams

All my life I dreamed of lovin' you



You're a spark of a long forgotten fire

You're a touch of a slowly growing wind

You're a taste of the ever-changing seasons

Telling me there are some things that don't end

We have left all the darkness far behind us

All those hopes that we held along the way

Have made it to this day

Like an old love song

Gone for much too long

You hear it once again

And it carries you away



Repeat (*)

Busy

Sorry for not updating my blog..

I was busy ..and life is hectic as usual...

Those Good Old Days

I'm really happy today..accidentally reconnect to my old friend.
Thats really bring back old memories..happy times and bad times...

and the most happiest moments is knowing them healthy and success in their own field..

What a mess

It was Thursday afternoon where i accidentally met an old friend, Doctor A.
I've known Doctor A for almost 4 years..currently she is working at the health clinic nearby..
She told me an important news..

Johari!!! Congratulations..
I heard you are going to be transferred to Kinabatangan Health Clinic,,as a health officer there..
They already received the letter from the state health department...

It was shocking news..and this is my reply..

What!!!!!
This can't be happen...
I don't like to work there..Kinabatangan is very far...and working as a health officer means i don't see patients that often...i will dealing with health policies, health promotion and doing administrations work..
i don't like that..i'm not a person into admin..
Oh no..this is a disaster!!

She replied back...i think she just want to give a comfort..

You have to go la..look at the bright side ..they will promote you to UD48..meaning a higher pay..
why don't you go there for a year and later transfer back to hospital..

I ended our conversation and i left her with a broken heart.
I really don't expect this.

that night i received a call from my brother asking how's my life.
He is happy as he just got married.
I told him that i will be transferred to Kinabatangan Health Clinic soon.

Then..this is his reply..

What??? How's your surgery skills then...?? i thought you are applying for master in surgery right?? How about your research?? and you don't know driving...i don't think Kinabatangan has many taxis..It's jungle you know..

That doesn't help at all..It make me depressed and worried..
The news spoiled my week end..

I had no appetite..I was really obsessed with the news...and keep thinking and imagining my life in Kinabatangan..

The following Monday i went to see Puan Sarinah,, a lady in the office..
She is the doctors PA and it's her responsibilities to take care the doctors in the hospital including working transfer..

I asked her..

Kak sarinah...do you received any letter saying that i have to transfer to Kinabatangan??

with a surprised look..she said..

Oh!!! dr Johari..congratulations..but i didn't receive the letter..any doctors transfer to other places, the state health department will inform me first...
ermm..this is funny..
Why don't you speak to Puan Hasnah, at the state health department, KK..

I picked up the phone and it was connected to Puan Hasnah..this is our conversation..

Me: hello,,can i speak to Puan Hasnah..
Puan Hasnah: yes, speaking..
Me: Puan Hasnah.. my name is Dr Johari..i was been told that i have to go to Kinabatangan Health Office...
Puan Hasnah: Yes..that is correct...
Me: saya tak nak la pergi sana...saya mau kerja di hospital..
Puan Hasnah: can't la doctor...this is arahan from the ministry..you have to go..if you go there you will be promoted to UD48..
Me: i don't want to go there...can i??
Puan Hasnah: you must go..if you don't go..you will be consider melanggar arahan and the ministry can charge you..you will call into disciplinary board..and thats will end your carrier..
Me: (now scared)...ermm ok..can i make an appeal..?
Puan Hasnah: Can..but that will take months...

I was about to end the conversations..then i asked her this final question:

Me: Ok...but why i didn't get any letter..???
Puan Hasnah: i was about to send the letter then you call me.. i will send it today.....you are DR JOHARI BIN AWANG BESAR right???

Me:HAH???

(moral of story: don't listen to rumour)

Why...Why..Why..?????

why...why..why???

why they didn't tell me this earlier...??

if i know this earlier..i will buy an air ticket and fly back to KL...and meet my "bapak angkat"...

Burung Merpati

Burung Merpati terbang sejoli,
Terbang ke sana dan ke sini,
Akhirnya singgah di rumah Johari,

Burung Merpati mengukur dan menari,
Johari beri nasi yang dah basi,
Bila kenyang Burung Merpati terbang kembali.

I'm back

I'm back in Sandakan..after a short a week holiday..

thats holiday is just to rejuvenate my self..

this year is not going to be easy ..it was started with a bad day with very bad fever and cough..

(almost 2 weeks)..

i've to prepare for exams (second attempt) for master programme..now it's already february...another 8 months to go...

i've to take driving license test...

i've to take the most difficult IELTS (international english language testing system) exams

i really hate exams and tests.. but my mom told me life too is a test,,we have to do it..we have to go through it.

to make worse, loneliness strike me many times..never feels like this before..

at the same time i don't want to engage in any relationship yet..

i don't want to suffer again ..it was painful..

found this on the net...

the Perfect Surgery Trainer..

1. Never whines/ complains

2. Is never hungry, thirsty or tired

3. Is always enthusiastic

4. Is never late

5. Makes the intern/specialist/consultant good at all times

6. Knows more about his patients than anyone else

7. Loves operation theatres, never wants to leave the hospital

8. Is the first one to arrive at clinic and the last one to leave

9. Reads from a surgery text everyday

10. Is confident but not cocky

11. RUNS for materials, lab values, test results etc before rounds

12. Smiles a lot and has a good sense of humour

13. Always writes the op note without question

14. Loves to do op and can never get enough

And this is the best..

15. Has a steel bladder, a cast-iron stomach, and a heart of gold!

Am i a perfect surgery trainer???

i don't think so..

Terrible mistake

It was 12 mid day in KL..The weather was hot and dry.

I was thirsty.
I went to the grocery and bought 2 tins of Nescafe Mocha.
Within a minute, the Nesface Mocha tins were inside the dustbin.
I drank the whole Nesface Mocha, even a tiny little drop was not left behind.
The thirst gone but I didn't realized i just drank a poison.

That night i had profuse diarrhoea..about 5 times..
To make worse i had abdominal discomfort and passing flatus (kentut) more than 10 times.

That mocha contains milk..
Yup milk...milk is poisonous to me as i had a disease called Lactose Intolerance..

Opps...i just passed flatus...

anybody want to stay beside me???

SJP examination.

SJP means surgical junior posting. The third year of medical students from Sabah University attached to our department for 8 weeks to learn surgical diseases.

At the end of the posting, they have to take the SJP examination.

Recently, i've conducted the examination. This was the 4th examination conducted.

Time flies very fast, we already had 4 groups of medical students attached to our department.

Conducting a clinical examination is not that easy.

It's just like conducting a life concert..as this examination is using real patient.

Preparations started a month ahead. This is where we started selecting and collecting patients.

We have a patient's bank: this is a list of patients that were selected for the exams..and off course they already gave their consent to take part in the examination.
A night before the scheduled examination date was busy. I have to prepare the patients list, calling patients, arranging the patient's bed etc etc..

me preparing the patient's list..

printing the list.

After the list was completed, i will handed over the list to the chief examiner the next day.
In order to maintain confidentiality, the chief examiner only know the cases available 30 mins before the scheduled exams.

the chief examiner and his team

Once everything is ready, the exam started at 8.30am.
getting ready..
There were 2 parts of the examination: the LONG CASE and the SHORT CASE.

The long case was held in the morning. Students were given 1 patient to clerk, do necessary physical examinations and proposed diagnosis/treatment. They were given an hour with the patient. After that, there were 20 mins of examination ie 10 mins to present the case and another 10 mins were for question and answers session.

the students waiting anxiously..

case presentation...this is Mr I

Show me how do you check patient's nails.

This is 50 year old lady, admitted with...

Show me how do you check her fingers..

Where is the patient's liver????

The examiners giving the marks.

The SHORT CASE was held in the afternoon. In this second part of the examination, students were given 2 patients each. Within 10 mins for each patient, they were required to take short history and performs physical examination. They must able to present the findings and make correct diagnosis within a short time..an important skill needed during emergency situations.

The exams ended at 4.30pm. It was tiring but i'm glad everything went smooth.

the presentation....cakap kuat sikitla..susah mau dengar

the presentation (short case)...don't be nervous !, relax...

There is no place like home..

There is no place like home..
I'm in KL now..staying at my mom house..

sky rise apartment


a small park in front of the apartment
my youngest sister with her son.
this is a sampan..in case of a flood.
this way please.
block B level 5
our neighbour house..cik ani..
my mom house..B -5-15

my mom house..the living room..

The house is small but we are happy staying here..and we are grateful whatever we have.

My mom 60th birthday

Today is my mom 60th birthday. I'm in KL now to celebrate her birthday.
We went to Village View restaurant, Bangi for dinner.

Here are some photos..
waiting for the food.
makan time.
my anak buah.
my eldest sister and her family.
20 people here.
the birthday girl yang malu-malu.
my handphone buat hal...gelap nye
my abang ipar
my eldest sister..tengah korek ape tu..??
my mom and my second sister
the family
bayar..!!!akak ada diskaun tak?? makan seafood..nak bayar SEMPUT!!

Following that, we made a short visit to Putrajaya..a wonderful city of light but looks like it was deserted..
me with the birthday girl..
with my second sister

my eldest sister..


my family...only with my sisters and my mom.

5 days to go

Home sweet home.

Hati ini sungguh girang,
Menanti 5 hari mendatang,
Untuk pulang ke Jinjang,
Bertemu orang yang kusayang.

(Flight itinerary:
30th January 2010 : SDK - KUL: MH 2711: 11.35-14.20.

7th February 2010: KUL- SDK: MH 2706: 15.25-18.10)

Dream come true (almost).

Cyber City Apartment, Kota Kinabalu.

Dream come true (almost)..

In a just few weeks to come, that apartment will be mine.
Has been waiting this moment for 5 years.
I will be busy next week, signing up the documents.

Thanx to Kak Bedah for financial assistance and Nancy for helping me with the documents.

(Kak Bedah, nanti mai sabah bole lepak umah joe..Umah tepi laut,,dekat dengan airport KK..Nancy nanti help me to decorate the house..).

What next???

Mula mula size 28..kemudian 29 ..then 30..sekarang dah 34!!!


Mula-mula 50kg,,,kemudian 55kg,,,then 60kg..sekarang dah 70kg!!!!


Alamak...aku sudah bunting..